clicking reset

You know when your computer freezes and you’re wiggling the mouse but nothing is happening, you’re clicking everything and all patience has run out? Your computer skills are low so you resort to holding down the power button until the screen goes black?

I’m the computer, I’ve powered down. My skills and my degree have not prepared me for a post-graduate global pandemic, and I’ve shut off. My creativity has been completely dry and it feels as though my mind was running so quickly that it crashed. I let myself be powered down for awhile and I have now decided to power back on. I’m restarting, clicking reset.

This wasn’t a sudden “I’ve got a great idea for a post, let’s get my life on track and attempt to inspire others as well!” moment. This was a culmination of many days and nights spent in solitude, questioning myself and my abilities, my dreams and my achievements. My hopes have been heightened and they’ve also been beaten down.

What do you do when there is no light at the end of the tunnel? No silver lining? It feels as though everyone in the world is in the same position yet no one at all. I’m amongst a crowd of millions but also isolated in my own room of 30 square feet. I’ve tried starting the self-help books, listening to the podcasts, and blasting Taylor Swift daily, all to no avail. So what gives?

I want to reset, to restart, to wake up. I want to be happy with what I’m doing, and find encouragement and new hope daily. That starts with my making that decision, my clicking reset. It’s like I’m taking the trash bags of the past few months and throwing them out. I’m decorating my room, charging my computer, and finishing a new book.

I genuinely do not know what I am supposed to do in this new pandemic world, but I might as well continue my life as I was when times weren’t so grey and unknown (pre March if you will). So this is me, formally clicking reset.