I am usually one to hate the positive things people spew around the New Year. They say “2021 taught me so much” or “2021 helped me to grow!” and the always persistent “Can’t wait to see what 2022 brings”.
It’s okay to say that a year sucked. It’s okay to say that a year was the best ever. 2021 for me brought me love, new opportunities, and the move I’ve always dreamed of. It also brought me pain, confusion, and unemployment.
As we all know, I never know what the hell I am doing. I moved to Paris a few months ago, and one would think that is all I would write about. I did not (I’m a pretty sh*t blogger I’ll admit). Paris was an absolute dream, and unless you’re the perfect writer God sent on this Earth to spout poetry and beautiful words, then you are busy living out that dream. I don’t think I sat down to type more than one sentence about my life in Paris. Not even one sentence, let’s be honest. I had to re login to my blog website just to write this since it had been so long.
I guess what I’m saying is the dream is never as it seems. Sure, Paris lived up to my expectations completely. I fell in love with the city and the food and the people and the clothes. I loved walking the river at night, wondering about who else walked the cobblestones before me. But my heart met its match early in the year, and leaving that person was too painful. (gross, I know)
So here I am, typing this to you from the West Indies. I have just moved into my new villa that I will be sharing with my boyfriend in Barbados.
I don’t want anyone to ever be jealous of the life I show on this blog. I recently received a private message from someone asking how they can live how I have lived. I felt like I failed in my writings, making it sound too romantic. My life and my moves have been the effects of all of the mistakes I have made. Mistakes regarding school, university, money, etc. It is so easy to paint a life of confusion as a pretty picture of wonder and joy. But sometimes, one has to bare the ugly part of reality – not staying in one place for more than three months takes a toll. It is a constant workout for your mental and physical health, as well as your bank account, and you can forget about growing attached to anyone or anything.
This current move, as I sit here in my sweltering concrete cube on an island, is the first one that I made with such confidence and ease. I still have no idea what I am doing with my life, but right now I’ve decided to put that on pause and to focus on love, growth, and the beauty of being in one place.