THE UNATTAINABILITY OF BALANCE

We’ve all heard it before; the key to anything is balance. It comes in different forms – with eating it is hidden behind the term “moderation”, in your daily lifestyle it is called “self-care”. We spend our entire lives searching for the perfect balance.

But what if we don’t find that balance? I’ve spent the last six months working relentlessly on incorporating everything I love into my daily routine to keep me happy, healthy, and content. I work my forty hours each week, I clean my house during my lunch breaks, I go to the gym to simultaneously read while walking at an incline. I finish a book each week and I am in bed by 10 pm. Yet my creativity has remained stunted. I want to write yet the words do not meet my fingertips. Therefore I am not balanced, I am not including all the aspects of myself that I’d like to work on into my daily routine. Can we be so focused on finding the right balance that we completely forget what we are meant to be doing?

I want to write. I am supposed to be a writer. Even if I’m no good and no one likes my writing, it is what I am called to do, therefore I continue to do it. Yet I’ve been so strained trying to just keep up with the perfect equilibrium to stay sane that I’ve lost my ability to put thoughts into words.

Maybe there is no balance, maybe we will never have complete control. Maybe striving for balance is not what we as human beings are meant to do. Life is uncontrollable. It is uncomfortable. I didn’t expect to meet someone and fall in love, I didn’t expect to buy a house and spend over six months renovating it, I didn’t expect to spend all of my money in the process. I didn’t expect to pour so much of myself into a corporate job that caused my own creativity to dissolve.

Maybe there’s a handbook, written by someone who has achieved their perfect balance. I mean we see it on social media every day; everyone showing off how happy and successful their day-to-day lives are. Why haven’t they written on it? Where are their self-help pamphlets?

I don’t think anyone ever finds a balance. I think it is in our nature to keep striving for a more perfect world for ourselves. Maybe it’s our selfishness; we think that the most important thing on our death bed will be looking back at the way we made every hour of a 24-hour day a success.

I don’t want that. I want to sit on my couch and breathe. I want to go outside and do nothing but enjoy the feel of the grass beneath my bare feet. I want to eat chocolate cake while staying up late watching my favorite show. And I want to write. I want to feel the need to write again.

So I say we forget about balance, we forget about societal expectations, as well as our own. I cannot meet the goals I set for myself if it means sacrificing the one thing I love doing. Therefore, I give up. That’s right, I give up on trying to be successful everyday. Because success isn’t just keeping a clean house and paying off your bills. It’s finding happiness, contentment, and joy in everything. That’s my new goal. I want to find the joy and then maybe I’ll write about it.

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