Feelings? What Feelings?

Feelings are weird. Being in relationships is weird. Being in college is weird. Being in a friend group is weird. You are exposing yourself to to so much and so many that have all the power to crush you. And you’re not even 22 yet. Your grades attack you, your relationships attack you, your extracurriculars. What are all these feelings???

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And then you feel crazy. You feel crazy that you have let a grade affect you. Or a guy. Or a girl. Or a parent. But you also know you are feeling hurt, so, are you right in your feelings? Or are your emotions deceiving you? Are you overreacting? Are you afraid you’re suppressing your feelings because you don’t want to fall under the dramatic female stereotype? Are you afraid you’re genuinely crazy and it’s not just the stereotype?

Yea feelings suck.

And I really don’t know what to do about it. I’ve chosen to be numb and not get attached to anyone or anything, and that’s no fun. I’ve chosen to let myself feel those feelings and then I’ve gotten hurt; thats no fun either.

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I’m only 21, so I have no good advice, but I really don’t think there is ever a balance found amongst feelings. Maybe I’m pessimistic or maybe I’m not pessimistic enough. Maybe I see the good in people too much or maybe I don’t see enough good. Maybe I’m focusing on the wrong things that shouldn’t be so important. (Don’t you wish there was a guidebook for your twenties I mean damn)

The world is a strange place and it’s full of so many individuals who are having the exact same feelings as you, so what makes you unique? Exactly, nothing really, except your individuality. So where does that leave us? Back to square one? Stuck to our own devices? Man are we screwed.

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I guess all that is to say that when you’re 21 and you know nothing about feelings and your emotions are still so strange to you, there really is no answer. I think the 20 year olds who claim to have it figured out are just wrong. Let’s be real, Chad from Sigma Chi isn’t making you happy and the guy who promised you a white picket fence isn’t making you happy eihter. Your degree isn’t making you happy and your dream job is not as dreamy as you thought. You have to determine your own happiness, you have to experience your own feelings, and that’s all I really know. And I don’t even know how to do that. I’m no Oprah or Dr. Phil, just a 21 year old who finally has feelings. And probably needs sleep.

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