Your entire life is devoted to impressing people. As a 21 year old student, I wake up every day and subconsciously choose every little aspect of my look-outfit, hair, makeup- based on who I am trying to impress. I have just amped up my entire LinkedIn, quickly added a ton of new connections to make my profile look better, and sent in several job applications. My résumé has reached its peak of impressiveness and I should be feeling great.
But I am not.
Because I am tired of being a young adult and only having to worry about what people think of me.
And this is not in a vain way; I don’t care if they don’t think I’m pretty or cool. I care that they are impressed by me. So, after tonight’s hard work of making my life sound way cooler than it is in order to attract recruiters, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Until someone didn’t follow me back on Instagram.
This person is important because she is important to someone I like. So, even though I am friends with a senior editor of the New York Times and I am being commissioned to write a memoir, this kid who does not even have their license yet just destroyed my self-esteem.
How does that happen? Why are we as humans so fragile? I have spent my entire life cultivating my experiences and my look, and yet my entire being has just been judged based off of the 113 pictures I decided to share to the public. All of my achievements and skills that I have carefully crafted throughout my entire 21 years on this Earth mean nothing now because I have been mistaken as a basic VSCO girl who uses scrunchies (I don’t even own a scrunchy, so you can imagine my disappointment).
I don’t really have an explanation for this. I just want to say that I’m tired of trying to impress others. And again, not in the vanity way, but in the “I am a good person worthy of your admiration and possibly even a job” way. Now please excuse me as I overanalyze my instagram for the following two hours.